I’ve been getting asked questions lately about the guys my readers have been dating. I didn’t anticipate being asked about this, but it gave me the idea to write about the red flags that save a lot heartache. Here’s 7 signs that he is not the one for you…
He isn’t willing to make time for you.
A man that genuinely wants you in his life will always make time for you, no excuses. If he’s putting off seeing you or hangs out with other people instead, there’s a lack of interest or respect between the two of you. Granted, certain jobs cause you to be too busy and it can’t be helped. However, generally people make time for what matters to them. Watch his actions and who he makes time for.
He has commitment issues.
This is another red flag that comes up often in today’s culture. Nobody wants to commit anymore, there tends to be a trend of treating people as if they’re disposable. Men tend to do this to women without considering their feelings or the negative impact they will have. Society had enabled this toxic behaviour due to deep seated patriarchy and misogyny. You deserve better than someone who keeps brushing off your ‘what are we?’ questions, or someone that makes you feel like you’re too clingy for wanting to become official when you’ve been dating for months or even years!
He’s patriarchal and misogynistic.
This is a very old school issue that women have been dealing with for thousands of years. It has made life dangerous for all kinds of women and even now we are still fighting for our personhood and autonomy. If you have a man that says archaic things like ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ or ‘it’s a man’s job to lead’, or even shames women for doing what they want with their own lives? Run for the hills. It’s not worth it. A man that has the absence of a progressive mind and holds on to toxic ideologies is NOT one worthy of your time.
He is wounded mentally and emotionally and not getting help.
Ugh, this tends to be the one I see a lot. Men with issues they refuse to deal with it and end up deflecting onto the women they date. Hypermasculinity (the toxic expectations put on men) tends to be a very dangerous thing as there is a stigma for getting help. If you are dealing with a man that clearly has an issue he isn’t working out, remove yourself from the relationship if possible. You deserve a healthy relationship, where both parties are suited.
He is verbally and physically abusive.
This is definitely one of the top issues and can’t be taken lightly. Often times, women are abused by their partners and find it hard to leave because of what their partner is capable of. So, I won’t say ‘just leave’ because it is ignorant and insensitive. However, what I will say is to stay with friends and family and get the authorities involved if necessary. No woman should ever have to deal with any kind of abuse.
He doesn’t understand or respect your boundaries.
Again, another huge red flag. I dated a guy that would constantly ignore my no’s, and also tried to insist that my no’s were in fact yes’s. Never ever trust a man like that. Men like that are very likely to harm women. When you set clear boundaries and men don’t respect that, don’t tolerate it. If you are able to escape safely, do it.
He fetishises you.
This is one of the more sickening red flags that women tend to come across. It tends to be a problem for marginalised groups (Black, Asian, Latino, Indigenous etc.). It tends appear in different ways such as; reducing you to a sterotype, seeing you only as a sexual being, taking advantage, and targeting you for harm based on whatever criteria they were searching for. Be very vigilant with men like this as many of them are well skilled at hiding their intentions initially.
Those were some of the things to look out for when assessing your relationship. But what if it’s early on? How do you know a man is right for you? How do you know whether to run for the hills or give him a chance?
– He’ll be respectful and polite.
– He will (without fail) be honest about his past and where he is emotionally and mentally.
– He will make his mission to make time for you and his intentions will be clear.
– He will respect the boundaries that you set, as well as your autonomy.
– He won’t unload his baggage on you!
She went on to get top marks in her GCSEs and A Level English Language & Literature exams; one of which sported a perfect score. That same year, she went on to win the Student of the Year Award for her achievements in English at her college, Sir George Monoux College. Priscilla continued to study English Language and Literature at Middlesex University where she earned her Bachelors degree.
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